you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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