Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
