see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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