I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
