She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
