The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
