Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
