I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
zippers are such a cool invention
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
