Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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