I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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