that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
