i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
