My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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