i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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