i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
