Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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