normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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