Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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