it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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