did i walk over a car last night?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have post one night stand depression
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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