the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
pop tarts are not kleenex
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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