I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
