Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
