I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
