People in love make me want to vomit
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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