You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
In America we eat man semen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
