so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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