I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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