Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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