It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
they're like a gay fantastic four
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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