Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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