My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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