yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
