I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize