I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
