Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
