Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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