what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
