everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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