I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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