somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Holy sore nipples Batman
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
