you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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