Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
