bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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