i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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