That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
