shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
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We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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