I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
