she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I CAN MOONWALK!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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