well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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