Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
