You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
