Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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