There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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