im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
