i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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