he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
