I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
