you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
