I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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