You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
