The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
