My sheets look like a crime scene.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
