I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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