I'm gonna have a badass scar
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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