i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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