Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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