It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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