i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
