who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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