think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
