Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
