I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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