I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
