why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
